Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
