That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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