I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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