either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
