College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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