i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
