I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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