We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
