He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
