anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
