The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
