i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
