I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
