Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
