It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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