My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
