News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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