it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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