Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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