I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
