god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
