And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
