Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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