He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
