I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
