Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
