It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
