I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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