GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
