the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
