What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
