Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
