his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
