i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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