Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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