Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
