If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
