dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
