so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
