Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
