im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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