You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
