end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
