He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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