I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
