THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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