hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
