Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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