A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
