I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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