brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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