Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
