Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
