I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The Olympian is in my bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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