Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
