ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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