apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize