So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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