I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
