So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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