I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
