Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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