so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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