yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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