rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
