He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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