i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize