i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
